So fa', so gud…

Being an average guy was not what he wanted to be, not being one was what he knew sets him apart from the boy-next-door. His life was a string of interesting twists and turns, some of them revolved around his interactions with the fairer sex. As a critically-acclaimed actress once proclaimed, what sells in Bollywood is either Shahrukh or Sex. Our hero here is no less than Shahrukh and anyways 11% of the audience in India is under parental guidance, so what we could discuss here is a truncated version of his truly Bollywood existence.

As a child, he had always been up to some or the other mischief. His parents adored the ease with which he made his way into any heart, and indulged the tricks he played on everyone he came in contact with, including the girls. They never took it as anything other than harmless fun.

He had a mesmerizing effect on the members of the opposite sex. His antics never failed to bring a smile to their face, whether it was tying their pony tails together or standing under the staircase to watch the skirt-parade. They shared a lot with him, from a bite of chocolate to lunch to the stage of the school function. They would want him to cycle home with them and he would happily do so. Just to make them happy he would copy the notes they offered at the 11th hour, even when his own notes were much sought after. In all innocence, some of them would tie the sacred thread on his wrist and wish for him to protect them in times of need and he smilingly obliged.

What intrigued him though was the extent to which these girls would go to spend a few valuable moments with him. They would give him reasons to visit them at their homes, much to the apparent dislike of their family and brothers. They would spend innocuous moments, finishing school projects, doing SUPW work or rehearsing for upcoming school events. He often analyzed what it was in him that made them wait for him at the corner of his street or compete to share the class desk with him.

But being at a juncture in life where he was busy carving out his career path, he did not spend too much time mulling over it and enjoyed life the way it was. He moved on to a wider playground, came across newer people at the ‘coaching’ and had new experiences. Every experience made him richer and meanwhile even the ‘neighbors’ kept track of his life as he moved on to a new phase.

College gave him the freedom and the independence to fuel his ‘philanthropic’ ways. Ragging brought them closer to this boy who had his elder bro in the final year. Even the college helped them ‘break the ice’, by keeping some cross-functional subjects in the very first year. He was one of them, the elite ‘Mechanical Guys’, the men among the boys. He was the quintessential bad boy, what with his ponytail, pierced ear and occasional violent spates. Yet he enthralled them when he topped the university in the first year and every year after that. He made a smooth entry into their lives, impressed that they were with the cheesy ‘mechanical’ comments he made at them.

He went on to make a slow and steady start to his career. Time to time, he wonders if things would have been different had he been less of the multitasking type, an attribute of a true Gemini, that he is. Nevertheless, his life was now on a whole new track. He had never settled for a ‘best friend’ or ‘girl friend’, he had neither understood the concept nor felt the need. Though he did find a ‘best friend’ during this period, but as the Bollywood line goes, ‘Ek ladka aur Ek ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte’, and so the story lay unfinished!

This phase was about experimentation, about a childlike inquisitiveness about women and relationships, what with love triangles and cozy moments, proposals and betrayals… Those winter nights, those cozy rides are all witness to the awesome life he had! The child in him needed constant pampering and that he was getting. This was also the phase of seeking; the subconscious search for that ideal woman who would fit the bill, both his own and his parents’. As he did better professionally, his work took him places. His frequent travels gave him the opportunity to explore new avenues and encounter new people. This was when he met the woman who he still values as being more mature than him, but then the time had never been right for them.

While his search didn’t yield him any results, his parents found him the ‘right’ match. So he made the life-changing decision between the Devil and the Deep Sea and finally ‘settled’ down. She started this relationship on the foundation of mistrust and suspicion for him. Given the story of his life pre-interval, he thought he deserved it and gave in. But then her wariness became a nuisance when all attempts of adhering to the role of an ‘ideal’ husband failed to get appreciation and ultimately he gave up! He still doesn’t blame her for this, nor does he find anything missing in his own attempts to keep ‘peace’. He left the issues to time, hoping that they would sort themselves out and moved on to the next phase in his life.

Another college brought to him another assortment of people, which he consciously ignored, owing to his ‘settled’ status. He politely declined all proposals that came his way, managing to upset a few hearts beyond repairs. So while one says that she had always been fond of him and seeks replies that he doesn’t have, he envies the others’ ‘well-settled’ status. Some of them came back with questions. The others teased him for his reluctance to take the plunge. Probably it was his values that stopped him, or probably just righteousness. But even today all he has to offer to all of them is happiness.

He may live to regret today that he did not cross the self imposed line, given the fact that it could have been an ideal tit-for-tat for what he ultimately got from his current relationship. It continued to deteriorate with time. No amount of sacrifice was enough to sustain it. He had already given up his friends but drew a line when asked to give up on his family, resulting in breaking the newest bond.

Indifferent that he is increasingly becoming to the entire world, he was travailing the same roads which he used to wander aimlessly without knowing where to go. But then not all who are aimless are lost. He knows today that he isn’t looking for ‘her’ anymore. The child in him still craves to be pampered and he gets his share of attention. The good boy that he has been has probably paid off, wherein he has managed to retain most of his friends and made new ones. They come to him with questions to which he maintains his silence. There are those who have loads of advice to offer, he can only smile knowingly as he knows he hasn’t left any stone unturned. There are those who have issues of their own and still want to give him everything, but his desires are limited. Then there are these pretty dolls who tease him but he never retaliates. The few, who feel sorry for him, shower a blessing or two, which he is thankful for but then it is not what he needs.

So what does he need? Does he know where he is headed? Is he in a position to decide where he wants to go? Have the reins to his life finally come into his hand or is it still serendipitous? Truth be told, he is currently taking life as it comes. He has a tried and tested method to life, which is the guiding principle but then he hasn’t charted a path to his life yet. As they say ‘If you don’t know where you are going, any road would take you there.’ And thus, the journey continues…

Devil and the Deep Sea!

The very sight of him gave you the feel of an average guy. The well-parted hair style, the clean-shaven face, the no-nonsense expression, but what differentiated him from the guy next door was the way he could talk his way into your heart. As he sat on his favorite rocking chair that day, sipping coffee and pondering over his life so far, his thoughts meandered their way to where it all started.

He saw himself, the small-town boy that he was. Born to these hard working parents, he inherited their resilient nature and the character of ‘a man with very few desires’, as if proving to himself that materialism means nothing to him. Their upbringing had readied him perfectly for his part in the movie called ‘life’. Preparing hard for higher echelons in life, he was always focused on his long cherished goal to see his parents at the place they rightfully deserved in life. To achieve this goal, his life had fallen into a pattern or so to say: he had a ‘method to life’. A disciplined life comprising of a regime of unlaid rules, to be abided by religiously.

Once his professional life got more or less set, his parents decided to get him ‘settled’ in life. Probably this decision ensued from the urge to unburden themselves from their worldly duties or perhaps from the desire to see their child happily settled at an early age. He knew that the magic that he could weave, would have got him anyone on earth. But he left this important life-changing decision on his parents, trusting them blindly, knowing that they would definitely not push him into the well!

And so walked into his life the girl they chose. Beautiful, bubbly, smart, small-city girl, her eyes full of dreams about a lavish lifestyle, she fantasized about the pleasures of it all. Talented in homely skills, educated and modern in outlook, she overwhelmed his parents. They did not realize that all that glittered was not always gold. They based their decision on experience, though he may now disagree to them on the count that ‘What is good from far maybe far from good’. For him, their decision was as good as the word of Lord himself. And just like that, he was ‘married’ !!!

Had it been a reel-life story, this is where the credits would come up with the visual of a car driving into the sunset, ‘Happily Married’ written on its rear plate. In real life, however, the story had just begun.

The hot-shot marketing executive that he was, he was exposed to the big-city life, he knew there exist the so called worldly pleasures, but he was still rooted to his traditions and hence, expected the same from his wife. She, on the other hand, was mesmerized with the apparent abundance of the big-city life and started losing herself in it from day one. In her attempt to experience ‘life’, she got caught on the wrong foot. All he had wanted was probably her but all she wanted was everything!

He got up from the rocking chair and walked towards the verandah. He thought about those early days of his marriage. It seemed to pass off in a whirlwind of excitement and festivities that surround any newly married couple in this country. The cracks were probably there even then but the newness of it all made it invisible. However the novelty soon wore off and the small tiffs translated into major differences.

His genuine expectations off her became a burden for her and her small wants off him became demands for him. Seeking perfection that he used to, he was looking for least small doses of it in her. What he got was the excuse of her being very young and naive. She, and everyone else, was increasingly attributing her immaturity and lack of good judgment to her young age. He kept saying that he had also gone through the same drill at some point in time but was never given the leeway. Being the older of the two, he was expected to act Lord Shiva and consume the poison for the general good of their marriage, which he did but to no avail. He knew that the entire family may now be regretting the decision they made earlier and trying their hard to make things work between them.

It’s not like they did not try. She tried to make the necessary changes in herself to suit his family. He let go off some of his expectations to get some peace in life. But somehow it was never enough. Small every-day arguments became long-standing fights. He was a cleanliness-freak, she a clutter head. He liked to spend quiet evenings at home; she wanted to party the whole night long. From lifestyle choices to mundane decisions, they never seemed to have the same opinion about anything. What was worse was that they were never able to find a midway meeting point in their mindsets. They stopped speaking to each other for days together, neither willing to give in or give up.

He came back and sat on the rocking chair now, analyzing what is it that had gone wrong. Have they been able to get any closure in their relationship, to understand why this happened and have the maturity to accept atleast now that it was meant to be, or rather meant not to be? Had he been wrong in expecting her to get moulded as per his family? Or probably in having any expectations at all? Would he have been better prepared if he had known her before they got married, but then would he have married her at all? Should he have chosen a girl himself, but then would he not have had the same expectations off her? Would she have fulfilled those expectations?

People ask him for advice. About relationships and marriage. About the ongoing debate between which is better: love marriage or arranged marriage. All he knows is that it is a choice between the devil and the deep sea. To each his own, he feels.

To Be or Not To Be…

To be or not to be... ~ William Shakespeare (from Hamlet 3/1)

Ankit (Name changed on request) was a brilliant student as a child, with a fairly good memory to grasp the complex jargon of Botany and also a very good aptitude to solve the most abstruse problems in Arithmetic. Ankit today is an engineer by qualification (not a Dot Com engineer but a mechanical engineer) and a sales & marketing professional by occupation. Here we will not debate, whether he is a grand success or an utter failure, or whether he could have proved to be a better surgeon. But the question here would be whether he wanted it to be or not to be?

As a child lacking maturity, Ankit would have been given due guidance by his parents at the time required, which he may now consider as a right advice or curbing his creativity, as per his discretion. The question is were his parents interested enough in empathizing the situation as per their child and then take decisions on his behalf. Or whether his parents capable enough to take decisions for him on his behalf?

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want ~ Ben Stein

If he would have been given more freedom in the decision making part and at times appraised of the alternatives available and their impact for him, what would have been his present?

The unexamined life is not worth living ~ Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC), in Plato, Dialogues, Apology

The one thing in the west which I have off-late admired is the sense of responsibility that they give to their children right from the teenage, which turns them into the thinking individuals prudently deciding for themselves what is good for them & what is bad. The summer-camps, the vocational trainings, the summer jobs, the pocket money etc. are all examples.

On the contrary here the child is spoon-fed right from birth as to what is good for him as per his well-wishers and to refrain from even thinking about the rest. I sense that the growing competitiveness is forcing us to bring out the best in us, sensing which we pass on the same feeling to our younger generations trying to make them mature much before their age.

It may be as they say “The grass on the other side always looks greener” or maybe I am failing to understand the rationale behind this differential treatment.

The purpose of life is to fight maturity ~Dick Werthimer.

I see it as possessiveness curtailing the wings of a bird that may have otherwise flown over all creative mountains. But like it or not as of now you have a system in this society and if you chose to remain a part of the society, you got to learn how to live with certain unalterable dogma as the system itself.

Or else let us try to make a new beginning, let us give our imagination the fresh feel of our creativity to reap innovations that the world would sit to notice…

If you were thinking that I will be talking literature here you have been proven wrong because this is the blog I have dedicated to Life as such! For any other random thoughts follow the links to the other blogs of mine…